I'm Not Fine
by Nuuhtella
Summary: Trust won, trust had, trust lost. The sad tale of Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald.


Written for the QLFC Season 5 - Round 5

Tutshill Tornados - Chaser 2

Prompt: Lavender (as inspired by Lavender Brown): Write about a character who is not able to trust someone they love.

Optional Prompts:  
[10] Amnesia - 5 Seconds of Summer (song)  
[11] 'Flower of Love' by Oscar Wilde (poem)  
[15] "Never use my name and his name in the same sentence. Ever." (dialogue)

 **Word Count:** 1,836

* * *

 _Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?_

 _If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_

It was a beautiful day. The sky was that clear kind of blue, not a cloud in sight. It was the type of day that was perfect for a picnic in the park or a trip to the seaside. Yet, the farthest Albus Dumbledore could venture was into his back garden. This was due to the fact that a few months prior a tragic event had befallen his family, an event which had seemingly stolen his life forever. At least that was how he felt. His mother and last surviving parent had died and left him as the sole caretaker of his rogue younger brother and fragile younger sister. And all of his plans and ambitions seemed lost forever.

That was until _he_ came.

Five weeks ago to the day he had arrived, the great-nephew of his neighbour, and renowned historian, Bathilda Bagshot. They had become fast friends. Albus felt as though he had come alive again the moment they were introduced. The weeks since had passed in a blur of happiness. Finally, he had a future again. And yet, more recently a feeling of unease had settled into his mind. There seemed to be a few too many secrets his friend would keep. A piece of parchment hastily hidden away, owls sent to friends he had previously denied having, and a book. A book Albus had snatched a look at while his friend was no longer in the room.

The paranoia had overtaken him and Albus was starting to wonder who Gellert Grindelwald really was. He longed for another chance to look in the book, though Albus was also afraid of what he would find if he read further. What little snippet he had managed to gain had frightened him. But Albus found that he could not readily think badly of his friend, even when presented with the facts. Because Gellert Grindelwald wasn't just his friend, he was also the love of his life.

"Albus, what're you thinking so diligently about?"

The two of them were lazing about, lying underneath the old willow tree. Albus turned his head to face Gellert. His blond hair was fanned out around his head making it look as though he had a halo. A surge of guilt rose up inside him at the question. He sat up and leaned against the base of the tree.

"I was just musing over our impending trip, planning our route and such."

Gellert copied Albus in sitting up. He took Albus' hand and lifted it to his lips for a brief moment.

"We've already planned everything, love. Now we just have to wait until the time comes." Gellert placed a hand on Albus' thigh. It was an action Albus usually enjoyed but now felt like some form of manipulation. "Don't worry about anything."

Albus tried to return the smile but found that he couldn't quite properly manage it. The secrets had become too much. The thought of them were constantly filling his head, though he continually tried to deny their existence. How could a man who looked so much like an angel possibly be so evil? How could the man he loved be so cruel?

Beside him, Gellert snatched up the book Albus had previously abandoned.

"What are these?" asked Gellert.

"They're poems that speak of the heart."

"Read one to me."

Albus automatically took the book and opened a page at random.

"Sweet, I blame you not, for mine the fault was, had I not been made of common clay,

I had climbed the higher heights unclimbed yet, seen the fuller air, the larger day.

Would have read the legend of my passion, known the bitter secret of my heart,

Kissed as we have kissed, but never parted as we two are fated now to part.

Ah! What else-"

"That doesn't sound much like a love poem to me," said Gellert, interrupting him. "A love story shouldn't end with bitterness. Who wrote these?"

"This was written by a poet named Oscar Wilde."

"Why have I never heard of this man?"

Albus sighed. "Most likely because he is a muggle, Gellert."

"A muggle?" asked Gellert incredulously. "Why would you read that filth?"

"They aren't all bad," said Albus. "Some have great talents."

"I'm sure." Gellert snorted in disbelief. "Perhaps some pigs have great talents too."

His laugh went through Albus like a knife. It was a laugh filled with hate and Albus found he had been hearing it more and more often.

"They aren't animals, Gellert," said Albus rather softly.

"No," Gellert agreed. "They aren't."

"Perhaps… perhaps we could rethink our agenda."

"Excuse me?"

"There is no need for us to take the muggle world by force _or_ the wizarding world for that matter. They could learn from us, they may be willing."

"Learn?" said Gellert. His voice had gone dangerously quiet. "How well did that work for your sister?"

"Forgiveness isn't weakness, Gellert. Obviously, wizards are more advanced than muggles but-"

"But _what_ , Albus?"

"There could be another way, a way without violence."

"There is no other way. They _will_ be subservient to us - in their rightful place."

"Gellert-"

"Do you no longer share our vision? Do you no longer trust me?"

Albus looked into Gellert's eyes. No more were they loving and carefree. The darkness he had long sensed had come to the forefront and Albus was afraid. The truthful answer was no. He had not trusted his love for some time.

"Yes," said Albus. "Of course."

Gellert's face automatically relaxed into a smile.

"Good."

A loud roar sounded from inside the house.

"ALBUS!" his brother's voice sounded.

Red faced and obviously filled with rage, Aberforth stormed out of the back door towards the two of them.

"Did you leave her alone _all day_? AGAIN?" he spat.

"No," Gellert replied, immediately firing up. "But even if we did what business is it of yours?"

"That's funny, I didn't realise your name was Albus as well."

"Be careful there, boy." A dangerous look crossed Gellert's face. "Do not speak to me like that."

Gellert had taken out his wand, a fact Aberforth had noticed as well.

"This is _my_ house and I'll speak to _you_ any way I like."

With one last disgusted look thrown toward Albus, Aberforth turned on his heel and stalked back into the house. Albus felt ashamed but was relieved that the quarrel was over. Or so he thought. In the next moment Gellert shot up and chased after Aberforth, he looked positively raving mad.

"No!"

Albus chased after them, drawing his own wand. Fear coursed through his veins. Gellert was a skilled wizard and, if given the chance, would truly cause some damage to his younger brother. He found the two of them in Ariana's room, stood about a metre apart. They had both drawn their wands and each was spitting with rage.

"You're a child who doesn't understand ANYTHING!" Gellert roared.

"I understand that you can't take her wherever you're going. Whatever you're planning is your business but I won't let you take her!" Aberforth yelled back.

"You shut up!"

"MAKE ME!"

Ariana was rocking back and forth on top of her bed. She had covered her ears with her hands and had begun singing an old nursery rhyme.

"Stop the two of you! Please!" Albus begged.

He moved between them, his own wand drawn.

"Stand aside, Albus," Gellert hissed.

"No."

There was a flash of red light and Albus found himself blasted off of his feet. He hit the wall with a loud crash and slumped to the floor. For a few moments he was disorientated but then the worst sound in the world reached his ears. His brother lay writhing on the floor, a blood-curdling scream coming from his mouth. Ariana was screaming in the corner, eyes wide with fear. Gellert was paying her no attention; he was focused entirely upon Aberforth. There was a look upon his face that Albus had never seen before. It was then that he realised that Gellert was not going to stop.

Albus swiftly stood up and blasted the bookcase Gellert was standing in front of into smithereens. The force of the blast knocked Gellert sideways and the spell instantly lifted from his brother. Albus helped him up and turned to face his lover.

"What's this? You are betraying me?"

"I won't let you hurt my family, Gellert."

"That is a shame."

In the next instant, Gellert had sent a spell their way and the three of them began duelling ferociously. Gellert was a skilled wizard, almost as skilled as him. However, Albus felt a reluctance to hurt the man he loved despite what he had done. So they were not winning. Ariana's screams were becoming more and more desperate. Albus wanted so much to protect her, to protect both of his siblings, but found he could not bring himself to end it.

And then it was too late.

They held the funeral three days later. Gellert had disappeared in a hurry the very next day and so was not in attendance. Albus had watched him go from his bedroom window, regret making his heart feel heavy. He loved that man, once even trusted him, though Gellert was not worthy of either. It was a love he was not sure had even been returned.

Only a few people were in attendance. A wizard stood at the front of the small congregation and said words that held no meaning in regards to his poor sister. A tear rolled down Albus' cheek. Guilt and remorse had filled his entire being. Finally, it was time for the burial and Albus and Aberforth stood up to say one last goodbye. Albus placed his hand on top of the coffin and looked up at Aberforth for the first time since it had happened. Tears were readily streaming down his brother's face; he had loved her more than anything.

"Ab," Albus began.

"Don't speak," he spat.

"Aberforth, please… We only have each other now thanks to Gellert-"

His fist came out of nowhere, colliding painfully with Albus' nose. There was a loud gasp from the officiant who seemed to be frozen in horror.

" _Never_ use my name and his name in the same sentence. Ever."

With that Aberforth turned on his heel and strode away. Albus watched him go, filled with remorse. This was his fault and he would have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life.

Over the next few years, Albus mercifully heard nothing of the man he had once trusted above all else. He couldn't bear to know what he was up to. But, of course, that didn't last. And Albus knew the time would come when they would meet again.

 _Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?_

 _If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_

 _'Cause I'm not fine at all._


End file.
